Our children have dreams of their own, so don’t try to fulfill your dreams through them. Let your children become who they are meant to be. Be there for them, support them in their journey, and love them for who they are. This is how they will thrive. This is how you raise confident adults who will know how to support others. And when the time comes for them to spread their wings and fly away from home, there’s hope that they will come back to visit you—because, as Erika Komisar said in a podcast I loved, “chickens come home to roost.” They do come home, but first, it’s up to us to nurture that feeling of “home” in their minds and souls. We do our best to help them feel connected and grounded so that, no matter where they go, the feeling of home will bring warmth, comfort, and joy, always drawing them back for love and support.
We achieve this by encouraging them to follow their own path. We teach our children how to find happiness on their terms. Of course, we give them advice and direction, but we don’t push them down a path that isn’t theirs.
There are so many adults in this world who are unhappy with the careers they chose. When you graduate high school, you may not truly know what you want to do next. There are few people who know which career path to follow at such a young age. And often, those who do are influenced by their parents’ careers. For instance, if your father is a doctor or a teacher and a great role model, you may want to study the same field. But there are also situations where parents try to push their children to follow in their footsteps, and that, in my opinion, isn’t wise.
Let’s think about it for a moment. Suppose your child is a talented piano player, or has just discovered a passion for psychology, or maybe loves sports. What would you do as a parent? What’s the first thought that comes to mind?
I’ll go first with my answer. My first thought would be to find ways to support him, even if I felt a bit skeptical. As a mom, of course, I think about his future: will he be able to pay his bills and mortgage? Will he be a good provider when he has a family of his own? Is this a serious interest or just a fleeting wish?
I think that no matter how much we love our own careers, it’s essential to encourage our children to stay true to themselves and not try to draw them into our own story. For example, while you may find fulfillment as an engineer, your child might find happiness in baking the most delicious bread. If that’s the case, let him pursue that dream; let him experience the sense of accomplishment that comes from following his path. Don’t deny him that. It’s his right, his calling, his journey. We’re here to guide them and pray for them.